Monday, October 13, 2008
sad
Last nite i cant sleep well...
I made a few dreams, even tho it's different, it's related (=.=") I woke up after each dream, go back to sleep... had another 1 dat is related Zzzzzzzzzzzz
And when i woke up, it made me realised how much some1 dat was in my dreams had affected me.
It makes me scared... maybe i shud not get so close to him but i cant stay away either...
Recently, i'd been reading a new manga dat was featured in the manga i always bought. The name's Cherry. Wat's funny wasnt the story or the hero n heroin in the story but a pig name Geronimo LOL
Maybe bcoz i cant sleep well, my head dun feel good... (>.<)
I made him angry last nite,
I tot 2day everything will b fine n as normal but im wrong. He treat me like stranger for whole day. I cant take it... im so miserable . I wonder how will it b tml... still the same?
Is tis the end of our frenship?
2day, the clock tick so slowly... he ignore me most of the time, well almost all the time... my heart ache when he's so cold to me. I dun ask for anything, jz his normal warmness n his warm frenship.
Maybe it's good to end it now b4 i fall deeper but im so sad when it truly happens. I feel like... crying
Guys is always so hard hearted, they can ignore u n make u miserable but u still c them playing n laughing around. When they decided u r not worth their care n attention, they can drop u jz like dat. They dun care whether u dying inside or wat. But i believe he's not like dat. I believe he cares even tho jz as frens. Yes, im naive n i wan to believe.
Im afraid, im so afraid of losing him. Im so afraid he wont talk to me anymore. Im so afraid he wont call my name anymore. Im so afraid of losing his attention n care. Im so afraid of losing his frenship. But... wat can i do? I apologized but it's still the same... he deny being angry but it shows in his action.
I sweared i wont let any1 affect me like tis again, but i failed. Again, my world darken... Again i feel the sadness... Again, i feel myself goin thru the same process again n again.
Im useless... Im lost n im alone n yet i let myself get weak.
I'll do anything to get back his warmness.
I sit in front of the computer dunno wat to do, eyes wet, i cant concentrate on my work, i cant go into game coz he dun wan talk to me n i feel if i keep pm him saying sorry im gonna make him hate me.
Normally i cant wait to get my hands on the comp, Mon-Fri working hrs is happiest time of my days coz i can online. But now... i feel like goin home, hide under the blanket until the end of earth.
6.04pm
I cant stand it anymore so i talked to him, he said "dun care so much can liao" zzz den i blurted out alot things, well blind ppl oso know how much i care after they heard wat i blurted out but he say "@@ im ok, hope u ok too" wat kind of sentence is tis? so cold!
He meaning to tell me dun care him? brushing me off? sigh... now i can go home to hide under my blanket n pray dat the earth kaboom 2nite...
