Lately, my hsemate has been dragging me around after work... Wonder y she so free (=.=) makes me car-sick every nite.
Maybe too long i din ride in cars LOL everytime she drag me around i sure car-sick. Feeling dizzy n wanting to vomit... Or maybe her driving skills is BAD xD.
Recently, after much persuasion i went out wif a fren. But i felt so embrassed goin out wif him ZZZzzz He's rude n like a bull. When some1 stand in his way, he din say "excuse me" or "hello", he said "OI!" ZZZzz den somehow he always manage to blend profinity into his normal sentences. Once, he even parked at handicapped parking space coz the car park is full.
Wat kinda guy is tis? ZZzzzz
Friday, November 28, 2008
Morning Rants
9.01am Jz started my day... Feeling kinda sleepy n dreamy LOLs
Jz log into my ahmoi acct to reply all the mails since i seldom log in now... paiseh my frens (>_<)
Hmmm... when im in ahmoi, Cloud came into my mind... I miss u lei... Sei Cloud Blek!
I guessed Egg boss's relationship's not goin on smoothly. But sometimes he oso kinda emo de. Some girls tink dat guy's emo is cute but some will tink dat guy emo is sissy n troublesome... Hope she will love ur emoness as much as she love u.
Sei Egg boss everytime talk to me sure the same topic, when wan meet him. Cant i make frens n give my best to my frens w/o meeting?
I cannot meet yet lar! I havent reach my ideal weight n body shape!!! LOL *excuses*
But... y must 1 meet to keep the frenship? Not meeting means not real frens? I cant understand tis.
To me, treating a person wif ur heart, talking wif ur soul n trusting a person is more important den meeting up. Maybe coz im a person dat is governed more by emotions n spirituality... Well... i guess onli me will tink like tis
Bor bian lor, dun wan meet u ppls den dun wan bfrens me i oso cant do anything rite? Even tho i felt hurt coz i gave u all my trust, frenship n heart but u all give me "meet or no frens" attitude... suak...
Bside i never said i dun wan to meet. Hmmm... patience will reveal the lights ok? Kakakakaka
Thursday, November 27, 2008
How many times do i nid to embrass myself?
ZZZZzzzzz y did i let my emotions get out of control again. Ystd i told him i felt neglected tis few days n i felt him treating me cold. He said no. Hmmm... Actually im not emo at the time i asked him, i jz wan to make matters clear n give him a chance to back out if he wans. But he din took the clear path of backing out i provided him. Maybe he din saw the back out path?
ZZZzz dun care lar... i made a fool of myself again jor... Now i dunno how to face him (>_<) Now im torn btween disappearing frm his life n staying on but act ntg n act dun care coz i feel so embrass over my another outburts lor Haizzzz.
Y i have to let emotions governed over my rationality all the time? Cant i turn into a cold hearted person after so much embrassment caused by my naiveness, silliness n foolishness?
Arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I wan to change!!!! I wan to turn into a cold hearted person!!!! I wan turn into a person dat dun care bout any1 n anything!!! Is it realli dat hard to change my personality even tho dats wat i wan?
Hmmm.... I tink the next time i befrens guys, i nid to bold out to them dat im a SUPER SENSITIVE person to ppls little changes, hurt n happiness. So dun try to hide frm me if there is any changes coz it will make me SUPER EMO, n u wont wan to c me in my super emo state coz u r goin to run away LOL
Last nite my Streamyx was down since 10pm till dunno wat time coz i slept like dead till morning.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The day after 25th Nov
Whoa... seems like MiyaMi is the 1st 1 to wish me Happy Bday. Even tho he din say it out, he already sent me an e-card on the day b4 my Bday. Tys!!!Muakssss!!!
Hmmm... Ystd was quite a dissapointment, i din get any surprise frm him n no extra sweetness too. More like "kek sei" me (=.=) Jz a "pm" b4 he go to bed. Well... better den ntg.
Anyway, i'd already decided not to blurt out anything to him anymore. Jz silently stand bside him being his trusted fren. +u+u myself~ Gogogo!!! Bside, tis hit me ystd... he knew how much i cared n yet he kept teasing my wif others n flirting around me. But sometimes he's so sweet... ZZzzz guys... i'll never understand them.
For my Bday, the onli present i get is frm Cosmic Boss... his old handphone LOL it might b 2nd hand but it's useable~ But the phone is still at my step sis house. Dunno when she'll b in the mood to bring it to me (>_<) Tys Bosssssssss =x
For 25 yrs, i'd never throw a party to celebrate my Bday. Errmmm... i tink my mum did threw a couple for me when i was a kid but i dun realli remember it. Well... might as well not celebrate it coz 25 yrs ago on the date i was born, my mum nearly died giving birth to me. So it's a good thing to remember tis date as how much she loved me by risking her life to give me life. Hahahaha... personal excuses for ppl dat dun have any1 to celebrate for them xD
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
25th Nov
25th of Nov... n still waiting for 1st person to wish me Happy Getting 1 Year Older LOL Or maybe no1 remembered? Sobsssss N i wonder does he even know 2day is my bday?
Ystd i lost control n bla bla bla to him... He gave me "@@" n "ZZzzz" Now i worried i might scared him away... Sigh... i wont tell him anything anymore. Jz silently supporting n caring for him is enuf... Maybe treat him as buddies n go flirt around xD den i wont emo anymore.
Hmmm... im not goin to celebrate my bday. 1stly, no1 i wanted to celebrate wif 2ndly, no1 wan to celebrate for me 3rdly, it's the end of the month n my purse getting tight. xD 4thly, better not b reminded im getting older =X
But i'll b nice if some1 i cared bout show me some extra sweetness during tis day. Imagine how u make a fool of urself for him but he dun even know ur bday... ZZzzz
B4 i 4got, i wanted to wish Kelvin(wind-east of WMO) n Kevin (Nemo) Happy Birthday!!! Wishing u both all the best~~!!!
Added @ 12.22pm Riri was the 1st to wish me Happy Bday as expected n Vernette is the second. Tys girls, love u girlssssssss =x
Added @ 4.07pm Kelvin was the 3rd to wish me... Haha... same for him. His bday falls on the same date as me. Owl 4th n he's 5th.
Wow... now i realised how limited my frens r... i might have a phone book dat is full or an msn list dat is full of frens but those who truly knows me n cares is onli tis few... I tink i nid to get a life!
Hmmm... i felt his attitude towards me has changed n owl confirm this too. Sigh... There's ntg else i can do. At least i still can b by his side as good frens. I guess dats enuf even tho it hurts. I will recover, i know i will. No worries. But he's the sweetest n i wish my feels for him will remain for all times. MiyaMi u r sweet too... i owe u my most gratitude
Monday, November 24, 2008
Medi Medi
Had major headache (migraine) ystd. It's so painful i feel like chopping my head off my body LOL Later bcome like those japanese soldier ghost, holding my head in my right hand.
I tink, now my body is full of pills... Paraceptamol, Ponstan, Orphenadol, etc etc If the pain keep on goin i might b in hospital now, for drugs overdose!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
again
Dreamt of me being in an accident last nite. The dream still flash in my head vividly... I remembered closing my eyes when i fall n somehow a feel of peacefulness enveloped over me. Strange dream.
Seems like he's ignoring me now... Pain... so painful. But i was the 1 who got out of control at the 1st place... So i dunno wat to do now... Sigh... Even tho i tot n said of leaving but it's realli hard.
I still wan to hang around him, but when hanging around him n he doesnt care or ignore me, my heart ache. Dam... hate this kind of things happening. But y humans is still so stupid n let themself get hurt over n over again? Y im so stupid n let my heart ache over n over again? Even as i was hurting n writing about tis here n now, he wont even know. No, he wont... Well... it's a good thing he dun have patience to read so he wont b here to read tis. If he did den he's goin to tink im crazy LOL
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Time to leave...
I realised my emotions and actions all run out of control whenever im around him or there's anything about him... I even started to feel possesive...
Tis is bad... very bad... I cannot b acting like tis coz we r onli good frens. No matter how sweet he is towards me, the stage of our relationship is still at 'good frens'.
Even tho my heart ache when i admitted tis to myself, i had to admit it! I have to keep my emotions n feelings under control b4 i do something dat's goin to embrass me n make him run away...
But the onli way to keep my emotions n feelings under control is to stay away frm him. Maybe it's time to leave... It's goin to b hard... im goin to miss him but tis is the best solution... Bside, he wont miss me anyway as he never needed me.
He wasnt mine to start wif, not mine at the moment n will never b mine. It's sweet while it lasted n i guess it's better to leave while it's still sweet so dat the memories will b sweeter.
Now i understand y some ppls break up even b4 they quarrel... coz they wan to make things remain at the sweet stage b4 things turn ughly.
Mysterious Feelings
My mysterious feelings 2day - Sleepy, Sian, n now Emo-ing
Sleepy Last nite i slept around 10.30pm till tis morning 7.30am. Din even wake up during the middle of the nite like i usually did. But still somehow, i still feel sleepy.
Sian Hmmm i dunno y im sian... i get to use the comp till so late 2day, n yet i feel so sian... Not in the mood to do anything in Cabal. So i log into WOW but no mood to play either...
Emo Y im emo-ing? Maybe coz i din get enuf attention? Feeling neglected? Maybe... Maybe coz i wasnt needed.
SIGH...
Friday, November 21, 2008
Yes! I managed to change my Blog skin
Yes, after spending half day doin tis, i succeeded.
I was like an idiot, looking for how to do tis, trying tis n dat.... experimenting wif if. Luckily im still sensible enuf to save the original copy b4 experimenting.
Even tho im an idiot, i had fun changing the HTML commands, adding new lines n searching for help on the net. I learnt, i learnt at least 10% of how to customize wat i wan.
Maybe i'll change another skin soon when im in the mood coz it's kinda fun~!
Now, wat's left is trying to figure out y my playlists is not listed out when im trying to create playlist in Imeem. Can some1 help me on tis?
Changes
2day, after spending hours trying to change my blog's skin frm www.blogskin.com i failed again. So i browsed thru some ppls blogs n i was embrassed LOL. Im too emo! N i feel im kinda fake (=.=")
So im intent on changing my blog's looks! n i'll try to change my emo-ness too! Maybe try to blog more bout positive things...
I'll try, i will!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
no 2nd chance
When i start thinking there is hope n light in tis dark world of mine. I was slapped in the face by the truth dat there is no hope in tis world of mine, no light in tis darkness of mine n no second chance in tis screwed up life of mine. Dat tis is a cruel world.
I was brought back to reality by the second most close to me person after my mum - my step sis. She cared for me since im a baby, i cared for her kids whenever i go to her hse last time. Her home is the onli place i can feel the warmth of family.
But since i made a wrong mistakes years ago, n caused my mum to die... i din go to her hse anymore n i can feel dat she dun wan me to go her hse anymore for she feel i humiliate her.
I knew wat i did n i regretted wat i did, so i try to stand on my own 2 feet. I dun wan any trouble for her coz i'd already brought enuf trouble for every1 when i took the wrong path in my life.
2day, a fren wanted to send me something so i gave him her address. After work i called her to tell her but she scolded me.
Ppls said, family is the onli persons in our life dat will 4give us no matter wat we did. Even tho she is jz step but she is the onli family i had n have. But seems like she dun tink it dat way. To her im jz the black sheep of the family. I'll always b black no matter how hard i try to change.
Bad Bad
Had a fall frm my bike tis morning... The bike press down on my right leg... sobsss N it seems like my knee is blue black n kinda swelling...
The stupid, inconsiderate driver which park his/her car at the entrance which caused me had to use the slippery uneven path n caused me to fall...
Sobss.. Sobss...
N! the fridge at home has broken down... even the technician said cant b repair... It's been 3 weeks we dun have a fridge at home... Sigh looks like my Bday month is bad month... How to give myself a little present n treat myself something good if i nid to spend my limited money on such things? Gonna nid to share wif my hsemates to get a new fridge, Sigh...
Arghhh... i wanna change my Blog Skin!!! LOL
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
SIgh...
Wif my current obssesion wif Fish Leong's I love U, im motivated to change my blog's skins n embedded new songs. Well i guess im in Love mood (well dat dun means im in love ok)
But sadly i found out im a totally computer-tard wif such things. 1stly, imeem's create playlist seems to have changed (yes, again) n i dunno how to create a new playlist... so after browsing around, i came across Meiko which is cute but somehow the songs din come out... so im still trying to fix it while ignoring the pile of work bcming a little hill on my desk coz i'd been surfing hi n low tis morning to find a skin i tink would suit my mood.
2ndly i found the skins i'd like to use but somehow it came out all jumbled up when i tried it! Sobsss.... Y cant those talented skins creator write it in xml code?!! JiaYee!!! I nid ur help!!! U r such a genius wif such things... Help me plsssssssss Here's the link of the skin i'd like http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=188593&action=Preview sobsss sobsss... try help me if u free (T_T) another thing is, how u make those auto scrolling lyrics? Sobss sobss...
While searching for all those above Miyami came into my mind, so i search some graphic for his FS (^_^)
Monday, November 17, 2008
爱恨简单
Sat nite, i went out for dinner wif my hsemate. While we were cruising for food, it's raining quite hard outside. Suddenly, tis song came frm the radio. 爱恨简单(I love U) frm Fish Leong
Fish Leong wasnt my fave singer n i know tis song was popular few years ago. The original singer was David Tao. But when i heard her (fish leong) singing tis song on dat particular night wif the rain pounding softly outside the car (n me car-sick-ing inside), the song totally touched me. It's so full of emo n feel.
It's supposed to b a romantic, wonderful love song for some1 u love but somehow i felt a tinge of sadness. Maybe bcoz im naturally an emo person or maybe the tinge of sadness came from havent realli being loved b4.
The onli love i'd ever felt was frm my mum. Other then dat, i might once believed i was in love but in the end everything turn out to b 1 sided or it's jz infatuation or even jz fantasy coz it died out. So, i stop believing there is love between a man n a woman. Feels, yes i believe in this but not love.
Yet, somehow tis song, it makes me yearn for a love frm a man. A man who will unselfishly give his all for the person he love. N i wonder... does such person exist? Even if he does, will i have the luck n fate in tis life of mine to find him? N do i have the courage to take the 1st step towards him? Will the HE dat im strongly attracted to at this moment b the him?
I dunno... n i dunno will i ever know...
My 1st mithril s.amp orb frm some1 so very sweet ingame. Yes, it's HIM xD He even arranged a heart shape in my inventory when i was offline to gave it to me. So very sweet... n i was speechless when i saw it.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Angry
Had a nice skype wif him last nite. I was feeling kinda good tis morning but once i log into my msn, i saw a good fren, Vannie's offline msg asking me to remove his link frm my blog roll.
WTH... his demand spoilt my day. His reason? His dear dun like to let game ppls (certain dominant guild) in WMO to know bout them. Wat kind of relationships dat nid to b kept secretly?! I instantly flared up when i heard bout tis. N i replied "tis is getting ridiculous, seems like ppls changed afterall... fine, i'll removed it. Sorry for the inconvenience caused" After i said dat, i immediately closed the chat window. I sensed he's kinda angry or he know im angry since he din msg me back.
So i straight log into my blog to removed it n vent my anger here. Reality is so harsh, like hokkien saying 'oui chi bong kok' means bcoz of a girl(or actual for chi is a girl's sex part...pardon my language, already tried to make it not so vulgar) can give up everything.
I cant believe dat he was once my good fren. I even let him had access into those silly emo blogs i retreived frm publishing. But since he started goin out wif this girl, we seldom talk. Well... it's ok for not talking much but i tot we r still good frens!
OkOk... since i removed him frm my blog roll means i wont b goin into his blog anymore (i dun remember the link!) well... maybe he shud even delete me frm msn. Say goodbye to this frenship of mine.
As long as he have the 'chi' everything else is non-existence. I know saying tis is rude but... tis is my blog rite! It's my space to say anything i wan! Especially for me to vent my anger n dissapointment!!!
The end, i wish he have fun wif his 'chi' n dat they can b 2gether 4ever!
*Lols im getting out of control **Hate me if u wan. I cant care for a guy who give up buddies for 'CHI'!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
headache
Whoa... it's been so many days since i last blog.
Dun have anything to blog about but leaving my blog not updated for so many days bothered me (~.~)
Ystd, i had major headache again. 2day, i started feeling uncomfortable again when i start using the comp... i tink maybe it's caused by staring at the comp for too long. =O does it means i have to take some time away frm the comp? Sigh... hope not.
Hmmm... dunno wat to write, totally no inspiration or motivations. Hope something interesting will happen soon xD den i can write bout it.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Inspirations
Often, when we tot we r in love It's actually jz an illusion. Often, when we tot we cant live w/o him/her It's actually jz dat we r unwilling to give him/her up.
To love is not to own, To love is not to have, To love is not to possessed.
It's enough, to b given the chance to care for him/her It's enough, to know wat we did put a smile to their face It's enough, to know dat they r truly happy
Hmmm.... wat shud i call those words/inspiration up there? Poem? I missed those days when words, inspirations n poems come n flow naturally when i chatted wif cloud. N we would ended up making sweet nice poems. Correcting each other's flaw. Cloud Cloud... my good intellectual frens dat started wif hi n ended wif hello. LOL
I might always write bout love but in truth, i dunno wat's love n i dun believe in forever love. N i dun tink i wan to find out wats love too coz it hurts when we love too much. N when we fall out of love, we r like an idiot dat jz woke up frm a long sleep n suddenly realised we'd been left bhind while every1 else had advanced light years away. So, we got lost n if we r lucky n strong enuf. We managed to stand up n found back ourself but if not.... we will b bitter n lost 4ever.
However... these feelings still flood over me whenever im wif HIM... Unexpectedly, i came to care for u Unconsciously, i began to put u in No1 in everything i do Unwantedly, i started to b stab by jealousy when u pay others more attention n care (i hate tis) Frustratingly! we r jz good frens...
Profile
Dreamers more than doers, they are sensitive to the hurts and happiness of others and are governed more by emotion than reason.
They seem to be loners but are in a search to connect with others.
Spirituality(emoness =.=") plays an important role, affecting all major decisions.
They are often destined for disappointment in love.(Sobs)
They may project their romantic notion upon the relationship only to discover that their partner cannot understand their spiritual needs.
