Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Miss u...
2day, ori goin back hometown ler... i dun tink there is anymore outing wif them and Ishu will suddenly fly back China de...
Back to boring alone lifestyle...
Im goin for my second interview this afternoon at Subang. Since it's second interview, i think the percentage of me getting the job is 80% le... Jz nid to discuss salary and working terms.
Once i move over to the new job, i wont have much time to online anymore as i still dunno how is the situation over there. But i dun tink there is any other job that can let me play online games during office hours except sales... Maybe i can change to sales Hehehe...
So, soon... it's time to say farewell T.T
Haiz... gonna miss Ishu when he go back China...
Monday, June 29, 2009
2nd nite out wif Ishu Boss
2nite went out with Ishu and ori for dinner. There is sooooo many food he wanna eat LOL
He keep on talking eat this eat that but in the end, drove for 1hour+ before finally decided wat and whr to eat LOL
Dinner is Claypot Lou Shue Fan + Pig's intestine (sound zzz but taste like cuttlefish) + Siew Yuk (like fried or stirfried... dunno) at Petaling Street/Chee Cheong Gai (ok, ori corrected me on the actual location LOL)
After dinner he brought us to a nice dessert shop beside Low Yat... He called up his ex and ask whr and flirt while on the phone (=.=")
Too sleepy, add later
Saturday, June 27, 2009
1st meeting of Ishu@Qv =)
Ystd around 12pm+ Ishu called me using 010 num and told me he's back to MY, i was suprised as he likes to jokes and maybe he's not realli back after all. But after talking for a while i realised he's realli back to MY.
Last nite i met him for the first time. He's a funny guy, as always. When he is around, a table will never fall quiet. He have this ability in him that always makes ppl feels good being around him. No matter in virtual or in real life.
And he is very very TALL and BIG. For being a tall and big girl myself, i feel dwarfted when walking by his side. It feels good as i always condemn my size >.<
But when he's talking business he's realli serious. And when he talk to us, he became like a kid LOL, so cute!
Beside that, he is realli a gentleman and fair person. He knows how to divide his attention in a group of frens, never let any of his frens feel left out. ie - me (coz im less talkative)
My nick for him isn't wrong after all - sunshine, soul of a party(bright, big and brings happiness to ppl) LOL
I wonder what he think of me... but he's a very considerate man. He won't tell it to ur face "eh, what rice u ate? How come u r so big?" like some of the ppls i met before. Trust me, most big/fat/ughly ppl know they r big/fat/ughly. We don't nid any1 to keep on reminding us.
What Ishu said is true, while we r still young. We shud go out more, meet more ppl. Expand our knowledge and views of this world. But, who dun wan to go travelling or meet ppl? The 1st thing to take into consideration is MONEY. Even a simple outing like yam cha, we nid at least rm5 in the pocket. And most of my frens (seems like i dun have much frens) stay in setapak (ori,etc) so to go there by my bike at nite... walao... =.=" The journey there by my bike, lets say 30mins, yam cha 1 hour, back 30mins Zzzz
But 1 thing, maybe it's time i put down everything, put down all my guard and try better to enjoy life. Any idea how to do this?
Lately im having mood swings, most time feeling lonely and empty. Haiz...
Last nite we met another fren too, but due to some circumstances. It's not wise to put her name here yet...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Gastric pain
waaaaaaaaaaaaa... im dying! im dying! Dying of the pain of Gastric!
Walao ehhhhhhhhh very painful zzzz
Taken medi, go sleep now. Nite Nite...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
self pity
After re-reading wat i wrote, i felt dat im dying of self-pity. zzzz
It's true im depressed, it's true im too coward to continue wif the journey called life.
So, i shud not write so much. Jz do it and b done wif it!
Ghost... u r the onli 1 dat saw wat i wrote earlier...
Friday, June 19, 2009
The weak me
Friday again, time realli flies..
Ntg much to update here and i'd been writing bout my fren until every1 oso sienz le LOL
Alot of my close frens said im too emo over some1 else's probs, but it's true... somehow im over emo over wats happening to her.
Maybe bcoz i came from a broken family myself and already have the negative feelings about MEN. So when this happened to my fren, i let my emoness get the best of me. Kinda like im seeing wat happened to my mother when i c wat is happening to her.
Even tho it's diff for my mother, but she brought her daughter ran away frm her 1st husband is oso bcoz her husband was a womanizer. Even tho my mother was forced into marriage by her brother, im sure there is love for her husband since she have to face and sleep wif him everynite for few years until she gave birth to 2 childrens (my step sis n bro)
I can imagine how hurt she was when she found out her husaband was a womanizer jz like how my fren hurt.
But my mother is stronger or maybe bcoz her husband never care at all and din find her back when she ran away.
Anyway, my mother managed to bring up 4 kids alone. She is truly amazing...
Life was harder back then, my mother is uneducated (onli male siblings get to go to school), it's harder for her to find work than others. But she did it! She managed to raised all of us single handedly.
I wish im as strong as my mother. Even tho now i can say "divorce lar if my husband find others or if he dun love me. Wats the big deal?"
But i know, when it comes to reality. I might not be able to do it or face it.
As always, im a dreamer more than doer....
Dats y im overly emo and care bout my fren's case. Coz i know if im in her shoes i might not be able to handle the situation.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
sleepy
A bit flu last nite so i took some flu medi but until now still stoning and blur and sleepy LOL
Wish to go home and sleep now >.<
Monday, June 15, 2009
damn
Im worried bout my fren and oso lost faith n confidence in guys.
I can c how much she is suffering frm the inside. She is blaming herself for being useless. For being unable to decide wat she realli wanna do.
She suffer being at a home dat her husband doesnt love her, and yet she is afraid to venture into the world to rebuild her life.
She worried how her childrens will fare if she leave them n get a divorce.
But if she stay on she cant stop her mind frm tinking wat had happened and how her husband treated her. How he doesnt love her. She cant stop her tears from falling everyday.
She cant concentrate on anything and there's no more smile in her eyes. I felt, a part of her had died.
She told me, if tis goes on n her husband dun treat her better or show he appreciate her, she might take the easiest way out instead of divorcing - suicide.
Then she doesnt have to tink anymore, doesnt have to worry anymore, doesnt have to cry and heartache anymore.
I'd been advising n consoling her tis is not the onli way, advise n console until i became emo myself...
Haiz... im feeling down, tis few weeks im feeling damn down, damn emo, damn sad, damn lonely... and i dun tink any1 can truly understand me...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Gloomy day, Gloomy me
2day is quite a gloomy day, wif the sun shinning brightly for a while n raining for another while.
My mood is kinda like the day, gloomy and lonely.
Dunno y, 2day i felt extra emo. Extra lonely. Feeling all alone in tis big big world wif no cares and no love...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Sienz... last nite my fren made up her mind to leave her home, her husband n her childrens coz she cant take it anymore. The reason she give is, every1 will b happier wif her gone.
I think the tears her cried ystd until 2day could b more than the tears i shed in half year...
How my heart went out for her.
Even tho she took the decision to leave, deep inside her heart she is hoping her husband will realise her importance n ask her back. She was hoping her husband will finally realise he cant handle the kids n home w/o her.
But on the other hand, she told me...if dats the reasons her husband wan her back. It's totally WRONG. Her husband shud wan her back bcoz he LOVE her, not bcoz he nid her to b the maid to take care the household and the kids!
B4 she left, her husband din say anything about HE nid her or he love her and wan her to stay. He onli said "pls stay few days so i can arrange some1 to take care the kids" another thing he said is "im a responsible man, pls stay few days for me to get u some money, else how u gonna live?"
Zzzzzzzzz
She realli dun have any destination to go, but her pride told her it's time to leave. Her husband din even told her dun leave, jz ask her leave few days later. In the end she took the rm100 her husband gave her (her pocket and whole savings onli have rm30)
She dunno whr to go, who to turn to (she onli find me tis morning), wat to do n how to go on wif her life. It's totally diff from the time she ran away wif her youngest son coz her son is her motivation to go on, no matter how hard she will walk on the road so dat her son will have a normal life.
Tis time, she crumbled. She falled. She couldnt find a reason to stand up again. In the end after some advice frm her husband's relative she decided to rent a room in a hotel/motel nearby for the nite (the time she went out already 9pm)
Tml morning she will find a job and if her husband still onli wan her for the household, she's not goin back. She will find back her life. She was determined.
But her husband is damn smart, after they talked on the phone n she refused to go back bcoz he doesnt love her anymore, he told her "OK, i come fetch u and we go to the lawyer firm to do the divorcing things now"
She agreed but she told her husband to bring her youngest child as she want to c him for the last time. But her husband took the chance to bring her home n talked to her again.
He told her "i cant tell u i love u as i dun wan to lie to u, but u r still in my heart" =.=" (Errr.... there is ppl dats in my heart but i dunno i love them or not coz i never get to realli spend time wif them) But tis is a totally diff case!
Wats dat huh? she is baffled, when she told me tis, my mouth went agape too.... Wats the damn meaning?
He give her choices,
1) we go for divorce now.
2) we go for the separate for 2 years but u r free to stay in tis house until u found a job n a place to stay. U dun have to do the hsework and i will send the kids to the nanny. But in tis 2 years n the time u stay in tis house, we r NOT husband n wife relationship. Ur relationships wif the kids remain as Mother and Children
Damn... wats he trying to do? Pity her? To show he is a responsible man? ZZZzz
Of course my fren dun agree coz she still love her husband n her sons. If she took the advantage of having a home to stay until she found work, she dunno her heart have to die how many times. It's very dam suffering.
So she told her husband NO... but at this point she is holding her youngest son in her arms n very heavy hearted to leave him again. Haizzz.... women women....
After dat her husband went back to work. He said, we cont when he come back.
When he came back, he give her another proposal... We go for the 2 years separation agreement but in tis half year we will live as husband and wife and try our best for 1 last time. If in the end we still cant live together happily, lovingly, trustingly... we separate until the 2 years is up n we r auto divorced.
Dam... if a husband dun love a wife anymore, he can act as a normal husband? Is he sincere to try bcoz there is still love in his heart for her or bcoz he is using her as his free "maid" , "nanny", "a hole to F" coz as wat my fren told me, at tis moment, her husband realli realli dun have the financial ability to send the kids to daycare...
I dunno the truth and she dunno the truth. Onli her husband know is he using her or he truly love her. And maybe god knows...
Half year, not a very long time and yet not a very short time. At least if he is tricking her for his own benefits, she onli have to b a fool for half year and there is no nid for her to hope for anything more...
Tis could b a consolation she give herself and oso a consolation i can give her...
There is ntg she can do at the moment. She cant let go of the kids and she dun have the ability to support herself. Maybe in half year time she is already working as she is looking for a job now. At dat time, maybe she wont b so confuse anymore.
Now dat she is back home, she feel weird. Maybe bcoz she know dat her husband doesnt love her...
Haiz... all i can do n she can do is to hope for the best.
Monday, June 8, 2009
under the weather
Feeling kinda under the weather n headache...
Being under the sun whole day 2day... kinda bz ><
Jz took medi n my head feel better but goin sleep soon
Sunday, June 7, 2009
updates
2nite, i met up wif my fren n her 2 sons to go pasar malam n she updated me bout her situation.
The bitch is still staying at her home at the moment but will b moving out tml, to a rented room which is jz opposite my fren's home.
Her husband still nid to fetch her to n fro work.
Even tho she felt there is ntg btween her husband n the bitch, she cant stop herself from thinking, being coutious n suspecting.
She told me, "i wonder how some ppl can truly forgive n forget bout such matters"
She is a very simple person. Even tho she doesnt have many frens but she dun have any enemies coz she is the type dat always forgive n forget
But she told me 2nite she can forgive her husband but she cant forget how cruel he treated her. How heartless he treated her, how he lied to her when she is the person closest to him.
She cant forget bout how he told her he is advising the bitch to return home when she ran away frm home but the truth is he is brainwashing her NOT to go home n come kl work.
She cant let go of the fact dat it's her husband dat intro the bitch to a job in kl but lied to her she found the job herself.
She cant dismiss the thought dat her husband n dat bitch already planned to come work in kl even b4 she go home after her 5days holiday in kl.
She told me, she is suffering inside. Her family feel like something is amiss now. The bitch is always wif them even the kids oso got attached to her.
If she leave now, no1 will feel her missing.
Even tho she is the wife but she felt more like the maid.
Most days after dinner her husband will go out to cybercafe wif the bitch while she is left at home wif her 2 kids...
She told me "i wondered... am i the wife or am i the maid?"
Happy Bday Mum
2day is the birthday of my mother if she is still alive. And she will b 65yrs old tis year... so young
Wat a pity she have to passed away at such young golden age T.T
I dedicate tis entry to my mother...
Happy Birthday Mum...
My Rainbow, My Angel, My Dreams
Sometimes i tink im crazy...
Sometimes i will suddenly bcome emo/sad for no reason.
Unfanthomable by myself n definately no1 will understand. Or maybe as my profile describe - "Governed by emotions more than reasons"
Actually im trying my best to control myself and yes, i know im using the wrong medium as control - alcohol...
Funcky n Patrick said wow... i can drink...
Actually i cant... but recently bcoz of so many things happening to me my emoness grew n i drink 1-2 tall glasses to stop tinking n go sleep. Dats y i bcome "Can Drink" =.="
And alcohol is like drugs... once i realised how much it helped, my mind always drift to alcohol when im stress or emo.
Sigh... after i finish tis Tall bottle of Gin im goin to stop.
Stop alcohol! >.< Let me emo... but stop alcohol! T.T
U r like the Rainbow of my life,
Beautiful n perfect to my eyes,
Peaceful n calming my souls when im troubled,
A Guardian Angel dat is wise in everything,
Always there when i nid u,
But!
U seems so near yet so far,
Always seems like i have u in my hands but it turn out to b illusions.
U r the dream dat i dreamt of every nite,
But a dream dat will never come true...
So now,
I have to stop relying on u,
I have to slowly n painfully distance my bleeding heart from u,
I have to let go of the rainbow n forget the dreams,
I have to give up my Guardian Angel
And
Let u remain a sweet memory in the deepest of my heart,
Even tho wat i realli wanna do is the opposite,
How i wish it's a dream dat will come true eventually...Ok, it's not a poem above there so it wont ryhmes... It's jz something i pour out frm my heart, the creativeness frm my mind LOL
Hahaha my fren said it's not bad coz it's frm my heart.
Of course lor brader~ It's Original! Authentic! LOL
Nitez every1 hahahaha
Friday, June 5, 2009
Total eclipse of the heart
Jz to write something for 2day's entry...
The 1st song i choosen for my blog is Total Eclipse of the Heart which suits the designs of my blog n oso 1 of my fave song.
The rest is oso 80's songs...
Hmm... looks like i love the 80's songs or maybe i lived in the 80's LOL, well i did lived in the 80's once but i was jz alittle kid then. Maybe i was influenced by wat my step bros used to blared out of his mini compo. Hahahaha...
Kinda lonely lately.. not much ppl to talk to, or maybe bcoz none dat is "ngam key" wif me.... Hmmm actually there is a few dat is ngam key wif me but i dun like to disturb ppl once they sound bored or stop replying or doesnt msg/msn me... LOL
So... jz pass my day wif work work work...
Not much motivation to play games either, sometimes felt so bored i log off n take a nap.
Y is tis so? Am i drifting away frm HIM? maybe...
Thursday, June 4, 2009
so suay...
Actually in tis 2-3 weeks, there is some bad, sad, unhappy, unlucky things happened to me, but im too lazy to write it here coz i'd been repeating it over n over to my frens =.="
So... when i feel like writing... i'll write it out ><
